Peter Mayor

AGH i hate it. why do people have to be so stupid and smoke? why does cancer have to destroy people and their families? 
he was 60! thats waaay too young to die. he'll never met aili or lyla, he'll never be at my graduation or my wedding or even hold his first great grandchild? 
seriously, the thing i hate most in the intire world is cancer. i get sick thinking that people will do that to themselves. as specially knowing my friends do it. its not fucking cool and if i were to ever catch one of my friends doing it, i wouldnt be able to look at them the same way ever again. just stupid. 
i would never do that to my family. put them in such pain, knowing that this could be the outcome. i know heaven is better than him suffering, but does that mean that we have to suffer his loss and grieve for him? 
i know hes looking down on us and will always be here in our hearts, 


but that doesnt make it hurt any less.






i love you poppy.


i miss you so much.


rest in peace.


<3

yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.

nothing like family to get your mind off things.

went to playland yesterday, the whole ride there i was watching donnie darko, trying to drown out the horrible prepubescent screeching of justin bieber that my sister is obsessed with.

you see, my cousin has been trying to solve her disney rubix cube for a few weeks now, never being able to get it. on the ferry, there was this crazy kid from the west kootenays who asked if he could try. of course he does it in a minute or so. it drove my cousin crazy, we made him do it twice, and his dad do it once. he blamed it on his OCD... i just think hes a genius. and i got it on tape so it can torture my cousin over and over again.. mwahah.

we got to playland, and the first ride we went on was hells gate. good starter. 

at first, i thought i was going to be sarcastic about that last comment, but no, it really was. it got me hyped up to do other rides that i would never do. needless to say, i was stoked.

after all those fun rides, we all went to sit down and talk about what were going to do the rest of the day. me, being wiped from waking up waay too early, fell alseep on the bench right in the middle of the park. the adults then decided to ditch my cousins and i and go look at shamwows. they came back an hour later, and i was still snoring. 

after the rides, food, and monster trucks, we all go to the peking acrobats show, straight from china. on our way there, my mom and i passed a man that obviously had a disability, he was hunched over with a cane, and was dragging one of his feet, while his opposite arm hung there, motionless. now, my mom and i are very old souls, we have large hearts and feel every emotion quite strongly. as we were watching this man, my mother pointed out that he would never make it on time. just as she says this, a younger man, a security guard, ushers him over to the wheelchair/ VIP access, YET, when they got there, this asshole of a man, said no, and made him go the other way, KNOWING that he could never make it in time. the rest of the time, my mother kept ranting about how wrong it is and how bad she felt for the man. i was feeling the same way, but was afraid that if i opened my mouth, i would cry. which, i eventually did, because my mom wouldnt stop talking about it and it was torturing me inside. 

i dont understand how people can be such jackasses to innocent people just trying to get by. like, the other day when i was watching glee, little becky johnson with down syndrome, when sue, accepted her into the cheerleading squad, yet, still pushed her so hard. i cried so hard. i just feel so bad, that people are actually like that. and i know that we should treat them as equals, but still, go a bit easier on them.

as i was crying, my mama looked over at me and said, "dont worry roo, theyre the happiest people on earth." and really, they are. never affected by any hatred in the outside world. they never stop smiling, and they can make others just as happy.

when im old enough and ready, i want to adopt a child with down syndrome.

no time for later.

it seems no matter where you go, your troubles will always find you.


whether youre in a different part of town, a different city, province, country or even continent.
i dont know what happened. everything was great right before. but then everyone finally got me to see how you were treating me, it was wrong, and i cant believe i was letting you walk all over me like that. you had too much control. everyone could see that but me. i was blinded by my own little world. you were tearing me apart inside, but i never knew that it was this situation that kept depressing me. yet, you were the one i called late at night, crying my eyes out. and i didnt know why i was so sad. it was such a good friendship for so long, then there was that one pivotal month that everything changed. i fell for you, and you said you fell for me too. we we're good. but the you broke me. i opened my heart to you, and never had the brains to close it again. i never had enough courage to stand up for myself, and now that i do, and have let you know what the deal is, what is going to happen? either some radical changes, or none at all and we never speak again? i dont quite know which i prefer. the first, makes you miserable and different, which all leads back to it being my fault, or the second, which is just all bad. but, i need to worry about myself now, ive spent too much time worrying about you, suicide? depression? i know those are touchy subjects, but you arent alone, and you know that, even though your parents wont pay for counselling, there are other ways, kids help phone, and im sure there are clinics which would be more than willing to help you.
but i cant be there for you all the time now. hell, i dont know if you even want me there anymore.


i need to figure out my own life now. its about time.