Sunday, August 22, 2010

no time for later.

it seems no matter where you go, your troubles will always find you.

whether youre in a different part of town, a different city, province, country or even continent.
i dont know what happened. everything was great right before. but then everyone finally got me to see how you were treating me, it was wrong, and i cant believe i was letting you walk all over me like that. you had too much control. everyone could see that but me. i was blinded by my own little world. you were tearing me apart inside, but i never knew that it was this situation that kept depressing me. yet, you were the one i called late at night, crying my eyes out. and i didnt know why i was so sad. it was such a good friendship for so long, then there was that one pivotal month that everything changed. i fell for you, and you said you fell for me too. we we're good. but the you broke me. i opened my heart to you, and never had the brains to close it again. i never had enough courage to stand up for myself, and now that i do, and have let you know what the deal is, what is going to happen? either some radical changes, or none at all and we never speak again? i dont quite know which i prefer. the first, makes you miserable and different, which all leads back to it being my fault, or the second, which is just all bad. but, i need to worry about myself now, ive spent too much time worrying about you, suicide? depression? i know those are touchy subjects, but you arent alone, and you know that, even though your parents wont pay for counselling, there are other ways, kids help phone, and im sure there are clinics which would be more than willing to help you.
but i cant be there for you all the time now. hell, i dont know if you even want me there anymore.

i need to figure out my own life now. its about time.